drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
