Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
