If that was your dad, he is hot
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
