can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize