Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My pussy is not your playground.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
