I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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