i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
