Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
