my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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