Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
