So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He shit in the fireplace
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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