margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
