Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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