but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
