you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
