Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
