Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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