She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
