i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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