That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
