Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Say something about gay babies.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
