you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
