You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
