I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
