I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
