this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
