i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Small penises have feelings too.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
