why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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