Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
