plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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