seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
