How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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