Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
