I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
