We're like a lot better than the average bears
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
