Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
