Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
