Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What a dumb baby whore.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
