well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
