so explain again why im purple
no
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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