i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
