I need help removing her.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
