Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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