the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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