She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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