Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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