Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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