you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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