I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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