went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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