take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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