it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
